SINGER: Stan Freberg

SONG:St George And The Dragonet

Narrator: the legend you are about to hear is true. only the needle should
be changed to protect the record.
St. george: this is the countryside. my name is st. george. i'm a knight.
saturday, july 10th. 8:05 pm. i was working out of the castle on the night
watch when a call came in from the chief. a dragon had been devouring
maidens. homicide. my job: slay him.
you call me, chief?
Chief: yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens. the king's daughter may be
next.
St. george: mmm-hmm. you got a lead?
Chief: oh, nothing much to go on. say, did you take that .45 automatic into
the lab to have them check on it?
St. george: yeah. you were right.
Chief: i was right?
St. george: yeah. it was a gun.
8:22 pm. i talked to one of the maidens who had almost been
devoured.
could i talk to you, ma'am?
Maiden: who are you?
St. george: i'm st. george, ma'am. homicide, ma'am. want to ask you a few
questions, ma'am. i understand you were almost devoured by the ma'am. is
that right, dragon?
Maiden: it was terrible. he breathed fire on me! he burned me already!
St. george: how can i be sure of that, ma'am?
Maiden: believe me, i got it straight from the dragon's mouth.
St. george: 11:45 pm. i rode over the king's highway. i saw a man. stopped
to talk to him.
pardon me, sir. could i talk to you for just a minute, sir?
Knave: sure, i don't mind.
St. george: what do you do for a living?
Knave: i'm a knave.
St. george: didn't i pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts?
Knave: yeah. so what? do you wanna make a federal case out of it??
St. george: no, sir. we heard there was a dragon operating in this
neighborhood. we just to know if you've seen him.
Knave: sure, i seen him.
St. george: mmm-hmm. could you describe him for me?
Knave: what's to describe? you see one dragon, you seen 'em all.
St. george: would you try to remember, sir? just for the record. we just
want to get the facts, sir!
Knave: well, he was, you know, he had orange polka dots . . .
St. george: yes, sir.
Knave: purple feet, breathing fire and smoke . . .
St. george: mmm-hmm.
Knave: and one big bloodshot eye right in the middle of his forehead and,
uh, like that.
St. george: notice anything unusual about him?
Knave: no, he's just your run-of-the-mill dragon, you know.
St. george: mmm-hmm. yes, sir. you can go now.
Knave: hey, by the way, how you gonna catch him?
St. george: i thought you'd never ask. a dragonet.
3:05 pm. i was riding back into the courtyard to make my report to
the lab. then it happened. it was the dragon.
Dragon: hey! i'm the fire-breathin' dragon! you must be st. george, right?
St. george: yes, sir.
Dragon: i can see you got one of them new .45 caliber swords.
St. george: that's about the size of it.
Dragon: ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! you slay me!!
St. george: that's what i wanted to talk to you about.
Dragon: what do you mean?
St. george: i'm taking you in on a 502. you figure it out.
Dragon: what's the charge?
St. george: devouring maidens out of season.
Dragon: out of season?!? you'll never pin that rap on me!! do you hear me,
cop?!?!
St. george: yeah, i hear you. i got you on a 412 too.
Dragon: a 412!!! what's a 412?!?!?
St. george: over-acting. let's go.
Narrator: on september the 5th, the dragon was tried and convicted. his fire
was put out and his maiden-devouring license revoked. maiden devouring out
of season is punishable by a term of not less than 50 or more than 300 years.